November 29, 2009

pumpkin pie

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I find it strange that you can know people for literally your entire life and not even find the time to get to know them. People come and go, and you think about all the times you were together with them and then also the memories that you share and realize that you hardly have any to remember. It’s sad to me. My entire family gathers at the same house for the same holidays and does the same thing every single year. You would think that I would know every detail about every aunt, every detail about every cousin, but sadly I feel like I don’t know anything about them at all. We eat, love, talk, hug, laugh, dance, cry, celebrate, drink, cook, shop, vacation, and gather together, yet behind all of this, I know only a little of their lives. Meager chat is all that occurs. How is school? How are you? Do you like it there? Are you getting good grades? How is your roommate? Over and over and over again. No school hasn’t changed; it’s still “good”. Yes I like it there. Yes I am getting good grades. Finally, my roommate is just dandy. I use words like dandy to describe my roommate because that is the only possible spice I can add to such a conversation. Then again, what else is there to talk about when you are in a house filled with people that you are supposed to know and love? Obviously I do the latter, but as for the former, I wish for a little more. Is there anything that I am even missing though? Is it worth the energy thinking about how much I want to know what I don’t only to find out that I shouldn’t have wanted to know in the first place? What is it that I even want to know? Every time I see my family come together, these thoughts are trailing through my brain. I think it has to do with my cousin Adam, because when he died at 24, I knew him. He was my cousin, his name was Adam, and he had some problems. I never really knew him though and it scares me. I have no idea what kind of music he listened to, what his favorite movies were. I didn’t and now never will have a real and deep conversation with my own cousin. This is sad. Wonder if more go and I never actually knew them? I feel like our family life is so repetitive that I have all the time in the world to understand and learn about my family members, except at the same time, I’m not even using that time- sticking to the same conversation about school and how they are doing at the moment. It’s not fair to anyone. I know people have something much more interesting to say than they are “fine” or that work is just great. I just don’t know what that is or how to find out. What about a time when my aunt was 23 on some random Saturday night, tell me a story. I want to hear that more than some bullshit about the dip you made tonight- even if it is really tasty with those sesame crackers. It’s not even learning all that much about the past, it’s about being able to have real conversations with people. All of my cousins are in their 20’s and are girls. You would think that I’d be best friends with all of them and not be afraid of what they think of me and walk right up to them and enjoy a lively night. But that’s not the case. I feel like I was born at such an awkward point in their lives that I’m still just the little girl they always knew, it’s hard for them to understand that I am one of them now. I’m in a transition stage.


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Hope everyone had an awesome thanksgiving! It wasnt the best start to my break considering my goal is to not gain weight while I'm home. good stuff.

November 23, 2009

WHOA, WHOA. Lois, this is NOT my Batman glass.

It was so, so beautiful outside last week! I wish it were like that today, it's raining and cold. I got back from my last class of the day and got to lounge around in the grass in front of the dorms. With my blanket, camera, iced latte, and iPod, I was good to go for hours. Of course, I was supposed to be studying, but everyone knows how that goes on such a wonderful day. All you can do is sit there and soak up everything good about sitting outside in the grass without having to wear a jacket. Then when you bust a guitar out, you really know you're not getting any work done. Gotta love these stress-free, lazy days.
I remember feeling that this was exactly what I was looking for when I went to school. It was like it was out of a movie, and it's really strange to actually find those events in real life. Movies about high school would always have that- kids tossing a football out in the parking lot or people sitting around outside waiting for the day to start. It was really neat to see and experience that sometimes when school let out. Now that all that's over, it's even better to see that it continues here, even more so. Ever since I visited the school, all I wanted to do was take a blanket outside and side on it while reading a book.
I wish I could do the things I really want to do, but then reality always gets in the way. Like the fact that the wind would start to turn the page too soon or make my hair get stuck to my lips. Or that there would soon be ants crawling all over my blanket and I wouldn't be outside reading lazily for hours, but rather minutes.
I would also love to be able to run for miles around the campus. Meanwhile, I would sweat way too much for my liking and I would crash and burn before reaching the half mile marker.
I know that there are so many things that I know I would love to do. I don't have a reason for not doing them, really. It's usually... follow certain cliches because they put off a certain image. Coffee, newspapers. I don't like my coffee black and I don't like to read the newspaper. I wish I liked my coffee black, it just sounds so artsy. I am artsy but I don't like my coffee black, I like lattes with a splenda packet or two. So why do I want to be someone I'm not I guess?

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Has anyone ever seen the movie La vie en Rose? My friend and I just borrowed it from the library and I guess it's super sad..My roommate and I were watching Tarzan (the Disney version) last night and we teared up when the baby gorilla died. I think this is going to be a sad night.



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I get to go home for my six week break tomorrow! I am super excited to be back in my own bed and to work! I am in serious need of some cash.. hopefully I remember how to host the birthday parties! I was pretty good when I left, but now who knows which direction some poor kids birthday might go... bummer for that birthday kid.


and i will leave you with this.

November 20, 2009

that sweet aroma

I usually prefer heading over to Donkey, a hipster swarmed coffee shop, but today I opted for the Front Room because I need to use my swipes (we get these point things.. long story) ANYWAY. I got my new favorite drink obsession, a plain old latte. MMM.. Cold. Hot. Good.
I went with my friends Jared and Chrsitian, or Christ if you will. We decided to bop around and be not quite as people tried to study for finals in the chairs around us. We even spotted a friend on the escalator to throw our spoon at. I'm mature I swear.

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PS. This is what my A/C looked like two days ago. Do I need to say that it was broken?
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PPS. I really want a Keurig coffee maker for my dorm...anyone have one that wants to give me suggestions for coffee brands?

November 15, 2009

here comes the sun

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Alex doesn't smoke a lot or anything. i miss djarums.
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Taking a break in the grass
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mmmm Chipotle..
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haha Lo.
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Doing a bit of longboarding.. ahh I love it
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Friends visited Nikki and I at school!! This was actually more than a few weeks ago but I forgot to upload the pictures. We basically partied all of Friday night after they arrived and slept through half the day on Saturday. We finally decided to get up and we were starving for some Chipotle, we were so full that we chose to lay out in the middle of the grass and soak up the sun. Sadly, I didn't have my good camera with me, so I had to use Little Silver. Saturday wasn't the end of the weekend so we went out again that night. As you can see, Eli (first picture) was pretty pooped from all of the festivities.

November 9, 2009

smile like you mean it

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I actually took pictures of what I wore to class! I am always wearing non-sweat things to class, but nothing very noteworthy. Still not here. Nevertheless, I've taken pictures- sort of. Anyway. I was talking to my roommate about blogging and she said that she wants to take more pictures like I used to with Sarah. Hopefully we can find some time to actually do that amidst finals and the end of the quarter since we won't be back at school until January. NICE. She also said something about starting her own blog, so if she does I'll be sure to post the link. I bet she'll have some interesting things to say, her brain is awesome and kooky.


comment if you'd like, I'll be sure to return the favor! =)



Hmm maybe this would be a good time to start memorizing the speech I have to give tomorrow at 10am? I don't know, just a thought...the smart, non procrastinating part of my brain kicking in, or literally kicking me in the head cause my head hurts. Either way. This should be an interesting presentation tomorrow considering the circumstances.