January 3, 2009
I'm so sick of these dull and boring days. I don't want break to be over because that means school again and I hate school this year, but I just want to hang with people. I would love to be able to wake up at 8 in the morning, fresh and ready to go. Drink some coffee, read the newspaper, maybe go for a run in the crisp air, shower, and be ready to go before 930. That's what would be cool, except I don't like coffee, I never read the newspaper (I don't even know where it is right now), and I die within the first two minutes of running. I want to do all of these things but instead I just sit around and do nothing. Why do I have no motivation to do anything anymore? School, friends, laughter, boys, family, myself. I just don't have a care about anything when I know that I need to. I am way too happy with just being when I don't want to be. I feel like when I am too happy with just relaxing all the time, I pass the point of being a chill person and just become lazy and boring. It takes over and I don't even have a personality anymore. For example, last night I went out with some friends. I felt so excited but I couldn't act it, I couldn't feel it for real. What am I doing? Why can't I care? It's so strange. geez.